Why are you so afraid?
~ Matthew 8:26
“To write, or not to write?” . . . That is the question. I mulled it over seeing the date and time of decision making, pushing me to come to a conclusion. So at this final hour, this place of no return, the place where one reaches the ribbon which denotes the end of this particular race is in view. . . . I stop, I pause, and I ponder.
God has put His message in my heart. I have written many devotionals, with the inspirations He has placed in my heart. The failures, joys, learning experiences, temptations, suffering and pain, have been placed on paper, and on screen for the world to see. My soul has been exposed: the beautiful, the ugly, the good, the bad, the failures, the successes, the sorrow, the joy, the fear, and the hope. The fundamental building block of the message remains forever the same. The message is Jesus Christ.
Yes, He has commissioned me to tell His story, even though it has been told more eloquently in a myriad of ways, through the ages. “Why would one person’s words even make a difference?” I ask. But I obey His call, because who really knows the mind of God? His ways and thoughts are so much higher than mine. Though my love for Him is minuscule in comparison to His love for me, I am motivated by its power. So with a computer at my fingertips, the words pour out on the paperless screen, and He blesses me in ways I could have never imagined. Now His words, through me are seen by millions all over the world. My heart overflows with gratitude.
So to the question, “To write, or not to write?” causes me to stare at this precipice wondering, “Is this really a hazardous place, or am I only making it out to be so?” The phone rings with yet another salesman or a scammer wanting to worm their way into my pocket book and into my private life. Through this school of hard knocks, I have gained the degree of S.T., “Skeptical Thinking,” and at that exact moment I realize, THIS is what holds me fast...skepticism fueled by fear. It is the chasm between me and the finish line.
Then His still small voice says, “It’s my message, not yours. I will get it out, with or without you. I use many ways in which to tell my story. I can even use businesses which market. You, in essence, are marketing Me. I can use you, or I can use someone else. You have the power to accept my offer or to refuse me. It is your choice.” In my pondering pause, I decide to let skepticism have another day in court. I know that in a race, one second of pause can have a detrimental effect on the outcome.
I lace my shoes. I get off my knees. I focus on the line, and I lunge forward. “His words, not mine,” vibrates in my mind and pulse through my veins as my heart begins to race with excitement. He has done great things for me. He has given His life as a sacrifice for me. He has forgiven me of my sins. He has cleansed me from my unrighteousness. He has redeemed me to Himself. He has placed a new heart in me. He has given me strength, peace, hope, love, and so much more.
I can run in faith doing this for Him. I know that to win a race, I must first run. With His help, I will cross the finish line. He gave His boundless love to me. I can give Him this vessel in which to share His story of love to others. This is my way to express His love through me, pouring out to others. Maybe just one person’s spiritual ears will hear the written word. In a world of so much strife, impatiencence, and hatred, the message of love cannot be told enough.
So to the question, “To write, or not to write?” the answer is not as difficult as I was making it to be. I leap with my blinders on, never releasing His hand, into my self-made chasm called “Skepticism.” My answer is a resounding, “Yes Lord! Use me!”
Dear Lord, Remove any obstacles that keep me from doing your work. In the name of Christ, Amen
~ Jenny Calvert